Oh we’re a mess, poor humans, poor flesh—hybrids of angels and animals, dolls with diamonds stuffed inside them We’ve been to the moon and we’re still fighting over Jerusalem. Let me tell you what I do know: I am more than one thing, and not all of those things are good. The truth is complicated. It’s two-toned, multi-vocal, bittersweet. I used to think that if I dug deep enough to discover something sad and ugly, I’d know it was something true. Now I’m trying to dig deeper.
So last weekend was fall break
I drove 4 hours into another state to visit family i hardly know because i am going to school far away from home. on tuesday my pastor from the church i go to back home is coming this way. coincidentally his father lives 20 minutes away, and we are planning to get lunch and/or dinner. its NERVE WRECKING. how do i conduct myself. i really hope his visit goes well, i mean i am putting a lot of thought into this. it will be really nice to see someone from back home. my mom’s good friend wants to take me horseback riding when she visits her daughter in-law, who coincidentally also lives 20 minutes away. my ma and sister are coming to visit for my thanksgiving break. i only get two days off school soo… it will be nice to have family here. i can’t wait to go shopping with my little sister. then i get a month off of school, which is a long time in my book. i am going to visit my best friend in fairbanks and we are going to chena hot springs and going to do a little bit of christmas shopping together. things are falling into place lately, and i really need to thank god for all he has done. i also need to start better habits, such as waking up earlier and prioritizing my time better so i don’t stay up until 330 talking about movies that make me sob hysterically with girls at the dorm. oh, yeah. i knew learning to speak inupiaq would come in well one day. i was able to talk to my inupiaq teacher not too long ago and she is so happy to hear i am continuing my studies. :)
"What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference."
my sanity is questionable. but i know where my life is headed in my walk with God. it is a scary journey and i am holding my breath right now. i pray i will be able to speak eloquently and to not have my words misinterpreted and plainly taken. things are going to be wild and loud and not the way it has been the last few years for sure. what is next. !!!
by Anne Sexton
It is in the small things we see it.
The child’s first step,
as awesome as an earthquake.
The first time you rode a bike,
wallowing up the sidewalk.
The first spanking when your heart
went on a journey all alone.
When they called you crybaby
or poor or fatty or crazy
and made you into an alien,
you drank their acid
and concealed it.
if you faced the death of bombs and bullets
you did not do it with a banner,
you did it with only a hat to
cover your heart.
You did not fondle the weakness inside you
though it was there.
Your courage was a small coal
that you kept swallowing.
If your buddy saved you
and died himself in so doing,
then his courage was not courage,
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.